Looking up at the ceiling,

Knowing not when it will fall down,

Knowing not when the rains will come,

To drench him in his sleep…

The dirty room,

Painting the dirty picture,

Haunting him day and night,

Killing him slowly and stealthily…

With heaps of clothes,

Decorating the room,

With dust adorning the room,

The room is painted dirty in rainbow colours…

The dirty picture,

Has taken away his sweet dreams,

The dirty picture,

Has left his life hollow…

When he dreams of a sweet home,

They are cut down by sharp swords,

Of hate, tears, words and deeds,

The dirty picture lingers on and on…

Every day he steps in,

With thoughts to ignite passion,

Every day he sleeps lonely,

With suppressed n’ unfurled passion…

Every day he seeks love,

Every day he seeks care,

Every day he seeks attention,

But every day he sleeps lonely…

The love of his life has flown afar,

Standing far she turns her back,

As though telling him to back away,

He is back again into loneliness…

Every day he sends his love,

Every day he shows he care,

Every day he caresses her,

Only to realize that all is in vain…

Is it because – she lost her respect?

Is it because – she hates him?

Is it because – there is no more love?

Or is it because – he is impotent?

Every day his mind is churning,

With pain and torment…

Every day he is lying naked,

With unreturned love…

He tried facing her with her disdain,

She sees each attempt as bouts of jealousy,

Ignoring him and his attempts to seek love,

She pushes him again into loneliness…

Down on his knees, with a heavy heart,

He looks up to his Lord in the heavens,

Asking him to give his love back,

And live life in sublime love…

He knows not – when that time will deflower,

For him to become one with her,

To push forth his passion and love,

To feel her love and care…

Every day with trust in the Lord,

He is waiting for her,

To step out of the dirty picture – and live life,

With all the love, care, sharing and passion they once shared…

Life is becoming meaningless,
Without a life,
To live for,
To love for,
And be passionate about…

Living someone else’s life,
Hopes, aspirations and time,
Living in a shell,
Handcrafted by someone else,
Life loses all meaning…

Heart in trauma,
Thoughts enslaved,
Limbs abound,
I am just a slave,
Of someone else’s aspirations…

In life’s arena,
Waging someone else’s war,
Freedom just a clasp away,
Alas! It’s shrouded,
By someone else’s thoughts…

I am just a slave,
Living someone else’s life,
In someone else’s mind,
In someone else’s world,
A world wrapped so tight…

Living in someone else’s world,
That’s trapped shut,
With nothing but fear,
with nothing but insolence,
With nothing but doubts…

Love has left our abode,
With this charade,
Going on and on and on,
Every single day,
Making life war-torn…

I wanna fly away,
Flee – to safety,
And build my own lonely life,
That’s the best,
When you lose your freedom!

The day is nearing close,
When this charade,
Is repeated time and again,
To flee and be away,
And be alone – lost in time!

I feel shrouded,
I feel I am in chains,
I feel downtrodden,
I feel caged…

Emptiness enveloping me,
Emotion overcrowding my brain,
Eluding my thoughts,
Eloping from life…

I feel I am in chains,
I feel caged,
Caged without boundaries,
Caged beyond sense…

Every thought, every moment, every sense,
Screaming for relief,
Screaming for sense,
Screaming for fullness…

Alas! I am caged without boundaries,
My chains burden me down,
With every step of the way,
I scream for relief…

My plea is long pending,
Will ever be so,
As life is in chains,
And will all the more be…

Nonsense prevailing over sense,
Wrong prevailing over truth,
what is the world coming to?
What is life coming to???

Ups and downs,
All in chains,
Hope lost,
All’s lost!

My cry for sense,
My cry for truth,
My cry for fullness,
Is going unnoticed…

I feel so lonely,
As in darkness,
I feel pertubed,
Swimming in an emotional sea…

Sharks harvest my thoughts,
Hoofs trample my feelings,
I’ve lost track…
I feel lost…

As we trade vows today,
Our heart and soul tangles,
Ready to be made ONE out of two,
A mystery beyond time…

Nature stands still – watching us,
Two sweet beings,
About to gallop headlong,
Into love…

Into a life full of love,
We step into…
Holding hands, together always,
Walking headstrong…

We step into,
The sweetness of life…
It’s love all around,
We are basking in its warmth…

We call you all,
To partake in our celebration,
To share with us,
Our unbounded joy of being in love..

==========================================================

Love opened doors,
So subtly, so silently,
Even we were caught unawares,
As she crept silently into our hearts…

Making all our moments,
So precious, so out of the world…
Inseparable we became,
Basking in the mystery of love…

Agonizing were those moments,
Of separation, of desperation,
Of loneliness, of being torn apart,
Our love was tested time and again…

On this special day,
Having triumphed all odds,
We step into another dimension,
Together, holding hands…

Shoulder to shoulder,
Head to head,
Heart to heart,
Full of love and joy…

Savoring every moment,
We share our vows,
To be with each other,
To share, care and love…

Through thick and thin,
Through heaven and high storm,
Through dawn and dusk,
Through Spring and Winter…

As we share our vows,
We need you at our side,
To shower blessings and wish good tidings,
All the way…

Burning hot,
Hot with passion,
Sweeping everything aside,
Eating everything in — their wake,
Thundering n’ thrashing,
Rolling n’ churning,
Roaring n’ plundering,
Rumbling along hot,
Ravaging n’ ravishing,
With flames so hot,
Fire in the belly,
Enveloped in flames,
Flames painted yellow n’ — orange,
They rage along…
They are fire,
Fire that ravages — on and on.

Water

In ghostly silence,
They flow outward,
Singing only the songs — of silence,
Flowing in unison,
Covering vales n’ hills,
Flowing in unison,
Covering nations n’ cities,
Flowing in unison,
Washing feets n’ bodies,
They are water,
Flowing in ghostly silence,
Through the world!

Earth

Smell of earth,
Warming the senses,
Soiling the hands,
Filling everywhere,
Moulding with ease,
Slimy n’ sticky,
Silky n’ smooth,
So soothing to touch,
It’s our own,
Our own earth,
Smell of warmth,
Overpowering the senses…

 Pain Again

Pain is getting stronger and stronger,
The pain of being betrayed…
Pain of hatred,
Crossing paths,
Pain encompassing me wholly,
Like a million needles gone crazy…
I feel so betrayed,
I feel so out from the world,
My emotions are taking me places,
Where I do not want to go,
My heart is full o’ pain…
My inner being is crying,
Frightened being, painful interior,
I feel so much out…
I want out,
Out from all pain,
Sometimes I believe oblivion,
Will take her turn with me,
Maybe for a better (or is it bitter???) turn,
My heart and soul is heavy,
Heavy with grief and pain,
I feel so much burdened,
And wary of the burden — I carry,
So forlorn I have become,
So pale, not wanting to be near anyone,
Feels that no one will ever say,
“I like you to be near me”,
Feels that everyone will say,
“You are a nobody”,
A sense of belonging gone astray,
Feelings and trust swaying,
As though in a storm,
With no near goal…
Hoping to be near someone,
Hoping to belong to someone,
Whom I can depend entirely upon,
I tarverse the streets up an’ down,
The bylanes of my mind an’ inner countenance,
To find inner peace,
To find trust in this wily world,
To find someone I can hold hands with,
Whom I’ll know will be at my side,
Always………….!!!!!!!!!!!!
Whom I can lean on,
Who will be my twin soul,
Clothed in red and white,
Who can share my sorrows with,
Where can I find her,
Is she in my inner being???
Or is she near me??
Or is she just round the corner???
Hopin’ to find her soon…
I limp on with life,
Hoping to find the glowing ember,
Of hope, peace, trust and love!!!

Brighter Days!

Days of brightness,
Are in the offing,
Days of cheer,
Are yet to come,
Whiff of beautiful days,
Come and go,
Carrying promises,
To behold…
And care for.
I hope for them,
And pray on high,
Till my spirit,
Rise afar,
Carrying me away,
To hopes so high,
Making my days,
A better one,
To live for,
And die for.

A New Leaf

Tired of old ways,
Wanna turn over a new leaf,
How to, how to?
Am I not man enough?
I believe I am.
Tired of old ways,
Ways of hatred,
Of Disbelief,
Of Childishness,
Of all old and – bad ways,
Of this world.
Is it foolery?
Is it cowardice?
What can I term this,
This feeling…
This feeling -
Right from my gut!!!
Gotta make my life better,
Something to cherish,
Something to look back,
To be brave of…
To be happy about…
Gotta be a better one,
Life, that is…
To look back,
And feel you’ve,
Done justice.
Wild thoughts these are,
Mine, I express,
In no easy way.
Tired of old ways,
Wanna go new places,
Wanna go new heights,
Wanna explore paths anew,
To get the warmth of – each one.
Tired of old ways,
Shedding my shell,
Never looking back,
Looking forward,
I walk on…. on and on…

Relapse

Relapsing in silence,
Tuning into the pitch of — nothingness,
The call of tranquility,
Beckons me…
With a sweet soft shisper,
Out from the wild,
The call reaches my soul,
Like the silence of — still waters,
The call reaches my heart,
Touching depths of my — inner being,
Letting go…
Tranquility envelopes me,
Like the warmth of a woman!!! 

Her

I have never talked to her,
But she seems so cool,
A cute girl she is,
Small though she is,
I know not — whether,
She has a big heart,
At times she’s serious,
I like the look on her face,
Mixture of emotions,
She has,
Very tidy, very neat!!!
A smile so charming,
Even at night, (Night Shift)
Her smile cheers up,
All around,
All feel close to her,
Yet so far away!!!
Dont get carried away,
I jus wanted to write,
As u wanted me to…

Chumma

Mind is goin’ about,
Wandering around,
As if in a whirlwind,
Goin’ places…
With a mind of its own,
Taking me along with it,
Wanderings make me,
Not more focused,
But more disturbing,
Thoughts very disturbing,
Making me emotional,
The past is past,
That is what I believe in,
But my mind does not…
Disturbing thoughts make me,
Go weak, make me feel — putty,
I know that I am more a man,
Than a mere child…
The days of childhood are bygone,
Feeling more manly,
But still so far away from it….
Lots to learn,
Lots to do,
I just wander through — the forest,
My mind’s forest…
There will be an end,
To all these thoughts,
When my eyes will close,
Till then being more human,
These feelings will remain so…..

Distant Musings

Wanna be away,
Away from worries,
Away from pains,
But that’s no solution.
Such a world can exist,
But… it will be,
Not a bed of roses.
How can it be?
I ask out,
My heart aloud,
I know not an – answer,
An answer never to be solved.
These are but,
Distant Musings for which,
I care not,
Not so much… but a little bit.
These small cares,
Overshadow me,
Me that I am,
A little bit of me.
Letting these feelings go,
In this small world,
I feel so happy,
Letting these distant musings … get away!!!

Ebb and Flow

Emotions flowing out,
Flowing in,
A steady flow,
A steady rhythm,
It does not have,
A strong flow,
Sometimes a weak flow,
Strong when I am weak,
And weak when I am strong,
Why so?
Rules of nature are so,
And hence so am I…
Downs upset me,
Get me down,
Crawling on my knees,
I look up,
Grasping for fresh air.
They are disastrous,
Destruction at its peak,
I stumble down,
Hoping for a climb up,
The climb up,
Is tedious,
Picking up pieces — far thrown,
Trying to be serious,
Recollecting myself,
I move on and on..

Long Lost

The cold war,
Has just begun,
Someone wants me,
To be hurt bad,
I wont let that be,
He know not,
His limits,
He knows not,
What he should be,
He is no man,
Just an animal.
An animal he is,
No remorse,
He carries on and on…
Until he’ll hurt himself,
For good!!!
One of my friends,
He was,
Not any longer,
He thinks of the world,
Under him,
Always will be,
That’s his — pride,
Standing up before him,
When that goes,
He’ll be more a man,
Than merely a child,
One day… he’ll,
Understand… But that’ll be,
Too late,
He would have lost,
By then…
Everything…
The war of emotions,
Of playful things,
He has long lost,
Will never be his — friend,
Again…
His foe,
I can never be,
His well-wisher,
I will always be,
But never a shoulder,
To lean on,
My trust in him,
Is weaning again,
Let him go…
Wherever he want to go,
His life is his,
Only God can take it.
Let God help him,
And his playful whims!!!

Longings

Minds in a swirl,
All of them coming down,
On me,
Like a steady string,
Of rodents gone crazy,
What do they want?
They need me,
On my knees,
Begging for mercy,
Is that all???
They want me crazy,
Is that it?
Nobody needs my help,
I need all the help,
But nobody turns around,
Even to lend me a hand,
They all want me,
For errands,
But when I’m down,
Nobody lends me a hand,
Is that how the world — responds,
My world is slowly,
Slowly becoming blank,
Blank like a white sheet,
Where everyone can spit on,
Everyone can squirt on,
Everyone can sit on,
Everyone can crumble,
And throw out..
Going awry and dry,
I go wild,
Wild like a wild, wild stallion,
Feelings overflow,
From my mind,
Of sorrow,
Of pain,
Of unfaithfulness,
Of worries,
They take me away,
On a wild trip…
Deep inside me,
I’m being putty,
Just “Chicken”,
Just another scarecrow!!!
Just out on the countryside,
Standing so forlorn and — forsaken,
I am becoming more alone,
More away — away,
So far away,
I am — from,
Everyday life..
Where am I to find myself?
Recollect me,
Find my true self?
How is it to become — material?
Truths to find out,
I jog around,
With lots of questions,
Lots of unanswered queries,
Stretching out my hand,
To grasp another,
To be with me,
Begging and praying to find someone,
I live on and on…

 Meeran – A Friend

At first,
He looked like a small – kid,
But he acts smart,
And I knew that,
He is made of stuff.
He is more than a kid,
With a short moustache,
He looked a man,
But I think of him – as,
A man in the making.
A good person he is,
A person to respect,
A guy who will be with us.
No matter whatever …
That’s something,
I can say,
About Meeran,
A dear friend!!!

Moments to Cherish

Happenings all of a sudden,
Changes the mind sometimes,
Takes your life,
By storm,
Changes the way,
You look at things,
Things that you hold,
Close to your heart,
Things that you thought,
Did not matter,
But now matters,
A lot,
Things that you said,
Will never matter,
Now is coming back,
Back to your heart,
Soothing your heart,
Your feelings,
Your inner being,
You feel more you,
Than somebody else,
Feels that,
You have something,
To care for…
Moments to cherish…
Go with life, man,
By the flow,
And you’ll feel,
On top of the world!!!

New Thoughts

Smoky curls in the air,
I remember the times,
When we were together,
All together,
Now a disbanded group,
We are,
But a group — estranged,
Estranged in all senses,
Feelings were strong — entwined,
Now so bleak,
Our future looks,
So unbecoming we all are,
Why so???
So bad, so out of touch,
We are — now,
Why so, why so???
Answers untold,
Grappling up for air,
We all are,
Let’s think abt,
What lies ahead,
Let’s walk on hand in hand!!! 

Away from Pains!

Back on track,
I wanna be,
But everything’s goin’,
Topsy-turvy,
Everyone’s hurting me,
Hurting me bad,
Hurting me real bad.
Boozing an’ fagging,
Makes me wild,
Takes me away — from pain,
But afterwards,
The pain doubles…
If someone were — there,
To feel ‘em and to share,
I would feel so light,
As a bird can be…
A better human being,
I would be,
If I had somebody ,
To be with me,
Someone to love,
Someone to share feelings,
Someone to hold hands,
Someone to be there,
I am waiting for that someone…
No matter how long it takes…

Child in the Wild

Begging for alms — she was,
She looked so cute,
Her eyes shone,
Like brown marbles,
A small child she was,
Begging for alms…
Begging for food — she was,
All by herself,
She looked bare — and dirty.
Her big round eyes,
Looked so beautiful,
Ignorant of the world,
She seemed to look,
At it with glee,
Knowing not where to go,
She looked all around,
I know not where,
She will end,
I pray she ends up,
In places cozy and tidy…
A place where,
She’ll be safe…

Shadow

Cruising down the road,
Musing out loud,
Thinkin’ about things,
I move around….

I move around,
Wanting to be alone,
Alone with my thoughts,
Alone in my world…

My world of people,
People with wild thoughts,
With wild n’ crazy ideas,
Wanting to make me crazy…

Crazy as I am,
Wanting to make me more…
What do they want?
Just me or ME?

My dream world,
Welcomes me warmly,
At all times,
I am there…

It is cool to think
To think about time so – sweet,
Times which care for – the most,
Times which gives me courage…

I long to be there,
To be in those carefree world,
To feel the joy,
I wanna be there…

Musing of my mind these are,
I think aloud,
To lighten my mind…
These thoughts are but – just
A shadow of me inside.

Small World

Words cause a world,
To be formed,
A world of truth,
Sometimes of lies,
But truth prevails,
Over all lies,
People speak more lies — than truth,
I know not who — to trust,
I know not where to turn to,
In this world of — small people,
Who’ll say anything,
To have their way!!!
When will they,
Become true men,
When will they,
Start to become men???
I envisage a world free,
Of evil,
A world of good men,
Who stand up,
To become true men!!!
True in every sense…

Yearning

Clouds of evil,
Overshadow me,
Enveloping me,
Choking me…

Clouds of darkness,
Holds me down,
Holds me back,
Choking me…

My minds churns,
To find a way out,
To find the light,
To escape…

I long for the light,
To free my chains,
I long to be,
One with the light.

My soul aches,
She reaches out,
To grab at the light,
But in vain.

How am I to find –
the light…
The light that will free me…

Some More Pain

Nearing sleep,
Tears roll down my eyes,
Uncontrollably,
Thinking of past days,
Of things said and done,
Of bygone stuff,
Things that hurt me,
Hurt me like anything,
People hurt you,
Like you are garbage,
Stomping and kicking you around,
They simply like,
To order me around,
Being a fool, I totter aroung them,
Like a little satellite,
Round and round I go,
Till they chuck me out!!!
Will this trauma cease…
I know not,
Whey they do this to me,
I show a brave face,
But inside it is all jus’ “putty”!!!

It was fun — right from the start,
Everyone looking so bright n’ shiny,
With energy n’ passion,
Putting heart n soul,
In all that mattered…

Amidst cheer and hurrays,
In soul and in person,
As one voice, soul and thought,
Forging ahead as one big unit,
We are next in kin — to the rising Sun!

Year after year,
With successes nestling — under our wings,
We are forging ahead,
Like a big mother ship,
Captained by the right people…

Even though many,
Sometimes outnumbered,
Our voice is heard,
Over the waves,
As we sing in one voice…

Cheers to everyone,
For making it happen…
Cheers to our unity,
In both spirit and kind…
Cheers to InApp,
For forging ahead…
Thru troubled waters…

As ’twas said,
Let’s all plunge — with oars in hand,
Headlong into the waters,
And row hard,
To make InApp great!